FIVE YEARS
There are five years between my sister and me. Of course, I am ceaselessly offering Stephanie advice, solicited or not. When dishing out said advice, I do try to keep in mind that I am five years ahead (Ed. note: “Not ahead... just older” - Stephanie) and always try to think back to where I was five or so years ago. There is something about crossing this imaginary bridge from the ages of thirty-seven to forty-one…I felt like so much was changing and yet not enough was changing, all at the same time. These years are a time of evaluation, evolution, and exhalation (and hopefully lots of celebration). In honor of my recent 42nd birthday, I humbly present five things I’ve learned in the past five (or so) years:
1) Making stuff is therapy.
I had recently hit my late thirties and a wise friend recommended that I do something creative for one hour every day that had nothing to do with work.
What she was really advising me to do is re-connect with something that brought me so much joy growing up: making stuff. For no other reason than to make stuff. For fun. I scrapbook (a hobby I indulged from childhood through college and rediscovered as an adult), practice calligraphy, paint with watercolors.... and the effect has been profound. It quiets the chatty part of my brain (and being a Gemini, “chatty” is an understatement). Paper, pens, photos, ink, color.... it’s all a gratitude practice for me. It grounds me in the moment as I take note of the beauty all around me and document it.
I laugh thinking about how I needed someone’s permission to do this as an adult. Consider this your permission.
2) Life is better without Facebook.
It just is. At least for me.
I gave up Facebook for Lent in 2015 with every intention of logging back on after those forty days. I didn’t miss it.
I regained a sense of peace I didn’t even know was missing. Four years later, I haven’t logged back on and the world is still spinning. I’ve still seen the pictures and taken part in the life events. Today my social media attention span goes to Instagram and Pinterest and I’ve found that to be more than enough. And while we’re at it...
Write more letters. Yesterday in the mail I received a hand written card from one of my best friends who lives in Indiana (hey Linds!) for no other reason than she saw a card and thought of me. This made my day. I still have the letters another dear friend of mine (hey Leslie!)) used to write me when we were living abroad and email didn’t exist! The giddiness at receiving real honest-to-goodness mail is palpable and it saddens me to think this art is all but lost. Don’t let it be lost.
3) It’s okay to add to your dreams.
My public high school was huge and nationally ranked academically. I grew up in a competitive and goal-oriented culture that valued achievement. My mom started a company when I was eight. The amount of options I had regarding what to do with this one wild and precious life (hey Mary Oliver!) was an embarrassment of riches. So I made a plan (political speechwriter), and, once I got to college, selected my major accordingly.
Plans change. While still in college I spent time living and working in the political landscape and while I loved it, I instinctively knew that this was not supposed to be where I ultimately ended up. Turns out, I was in good company. The majority of my peers are not doing exactly what they went to school to do. Yet, at the same time, we are all using the valuable tools we’ve developed and lessons we’ve learned throughout various career twists and turns. (We will be featuring these terrific people and their life and career trajectories here on this blog... stay tuned!)
Sometimes life asks you to revisit the goals and dreams you established for yourself at sixteen years old. Because of course it does. And these early, prescient dreams can serve as star maps, not necessarily career checkpoints, that we can visit cosmically if not always tangibly.
Personally, I’ve set some of my biggest goals and dreamed some pretty incredible dreams in just the last five years. I know myself much more now (not to mention my strengths and weaknesses) than I did at sixteen. Hatching new dreams, plans and goals doesn’t detract from the old ones, or even replace them. We can simply add to the list. It means more of ourselves are being revealed all the time, and that we are empowering ourselves to create new priorities. Not to mention that now we get to pursue these new goals and dreams with a certain kind of confidence that only life experience can bring.
4) Instead of “listening to your gut” try this...
Maybe it’s because I’m easily excitable, or easily terrified, or maybe it’s because I eat a lot of dairy when I probably shouldn’t, but I’ve never found my gut to be a reliable indicator of what to do next. I don’t even like the word “gut.” Personally, my gut changes its’ mind at least seven times an hour. I fancy myself a persuasive gal and I find I can talk myself into or out of whatever my gut is saying. Another dear friend (hey Mandi! You’ll notice I use my friends as material a lot) told me she thinks she can make her gut go along with whatever she’s chosen to manifest at the time. So I don’t think I’m alone in that I’ve never truly been able to translate this into a useful (or dependable) way of making life decisions.
Instead... I’ve honed a similar, and to me, more useful navigational tool: Move towards what feels like home.
Home can be a place, a person, a job, a song, a bakery... does it make you feel warm and cozy? Like a place you can rest even while going a million miles an hour (ahem, Target)? Like a place that flows? It whispers to you “Ohhhhh yes. THIS is where I didn’t know I was trying to go.” Home can be loud, challenging, uproarious, calm... it just has to feel like it was meant for you to be there.
To me, home feels like pilates, coffee, country music concerts, wine, deep conversation with interesting people and speaking to a room full of strangers. I have always... I mean ALWAYS... felt at home in a mall. Just seeing those shiny floors, neon store fronts, flurry of beauty counters in the distance, smelling that Starbucks mixed with scented air conditioning instantly lowers my heart rate by at least a few beats per minute. (Ed note: This is where I begin to wonder if we are actually related. - Stephanie)
Before moving two years ago, I lived in the same place for over a decade. My “gut” told me I loved the view (I did), I loved my neighbors, I loved that I could walk to a mall (see...), I loved the life I had built there. But it no longer felt like home, so I began to search for a place that did. And I found it. One town over but the change is palpable.
It’s these people, places and moments that make up a life. Try letting this feeling of home (of warmth, shelter, belonging) dictate how you choose to spend some of your hours and, thus, your days.
5) Sooner or later, you will turn into your parents (at least a little).
When our Dad would drive us to school, his music selection looked a little like this: Rolling Stones, Motown. Repeat. Repeat again. Ok maybe throw some Eagles in there for good measure. Repeat. K-Earth 101 (the L.A. oldies station) on every pre-set. Eleven-year-old me couldn’t fathom why he wouldn’t at least give the current musical landscape a listen. After all, the eighties and nineties were a virtual goldmine of pop wonderment (Not sarcastic).
Fast forward to me, circa now. The Sirius XM pre-sets in my car currently include:
90’s on 9
80’s on 8
Prime Country
Y2Country
Pop2k
… and obviously…Hair Nation.
I have become my father. And just for good measure - K-Earth 101 now plays the hits of the 80s and 90s. No really, it’s fine (cries tears of youth past into the steering wheel).
How can this be? When I turned forty I didn’t feel old, but I did feel astonished at how quickly I had arrived there. Time continues to fly and I find myself pleading with it to slow down. So if you happen to be in this in-between stage, perhaps try some of these little lessons on for size, but maybe don’t worry too much about what it will all look like five years from now. You will be there soon enough.
By Marissa DiMaggio
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ABOUT THE BLOG: Welcome!
Here’s where you’ll find my musings on all things creative, including plays, playing boss, current playlists and playing at all things that make life juicy, joyful and delicious. I've recruited my sister Marissa to contribute here as well, since we have always represented two sides of a creative coin.
Hope you enjoy!
Cheers,
Stephanie
Marissa on Stephanie
My younger, taller, brunette better half…. moved across the country at 18 to study theatre in New York City (I don’t function well if the weather dips below 62 degrees so the DNA clearly split here.) She’s a Nashville newbie with a heart as big as the south and the God- given talent to match. She’s compassionate, competitive, cerebral, a hat enthusiast and quite honestly the funniest person I have ever met. She’s type “A” where I’m “B” and vice-versa, which makes for uniquely successful partnership.
Stephanie on Marissa
My shorter, blonder better half is the most articulate person I’ve ever met who also knows the words to every song ever written. (Which means I’ve never won a fight in our lives.) She was born, raised and resides in Southern California, which compliments her sunny disposition and natural optimism. Her personal style (in clothes and life) is a mix of Jackie O. and J. LO with a superhero-like ability to walk gracefully in any shoe. She’s the first person I call for advice, a history buff, a reader of three books at once… and the person I love making laugh the most.
(We grew up around fish. Fishing boats. Fish markets. We used to play with fish eyeballs. It was a whole situation…#stinkybutfun)